


Requiem

by DGCatAniSiri



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Established Relationship, M/M, Past Adam/Shiro (Voltron), Post-Season/Series 07, Season 8? Never heard of her
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-25
Updated: 2019-12-25
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:53:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21956956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DGCatAniSiri/pseuds/DGCatAniSiri
Summary: Shiro speaks to Adam's memorial.
Relationships: Keith/Shiro (Voltron)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 12





	Requiem

The wall had names and portraits. It had to. It would defeat the purpose of a memorial wall to not acknowledge the people it was supposed to be in memory of. Even if these were just the people who’d put on a Garrison uniform, and not any kind of comprehensive listing – as if that were ever going to truly be possible, too many had lost their lives in the Galra invasion – it was still something that anyone with even a shred of empathy, of consideration for anyone else, would have to call “too full,” that there were too many names on the wall. Too many lives lost, even if they were lost in the name of defending Earth, protecting others.

Shiro agreed on a conceptual level, but his eyes kept falling on one in particular.

Adam’s portrait still stared back at him. The image was a still photo, not a hologram, so it would always be looking back at him.

“They say he died a hero,” came a suddenly voice. Shiro turned to see Keith standing there. 

Both of them still were banged up from the fighting, though Keith, having been in the hospital because of his injuries, clearly had it worse. But the nurses and doctors would have to physically restrain him to the hospital bed at this point to keep him there (not helped by the fact that he had a teleporting space wolf at his disposal). 

Still, he stood upright, and held contact with Shiro’s gaze.

It was Shiro who looked away first. “Still. I keep feeling like... I should have been there.” Even before Keith could point out the problem with that thought, Shiro held up a hand, forestalling the response. “I know. I couldn’t have done anything except... go down with him. But...”

That much, at least, earned him an understanding look from Keith. “It would have been the both of you going down.”

Well, things had gotten depressing pretty quickly around here. 

“I know. It makes me an idiot.”

“No.” Keith was very firm about that. “It just means that... you care about him.” Shiro wasn’t sure how he felt about the use of present tense – Adam was gone, after all. But... Well, Shiro was still reacting more as if some part of Adam was still with him. And, if one got metaphysical, he was, in a way. It wasn’t crazy to do that.

Shiro sighed, looking back to the wall. “I keep thinking about the last time we spoke.” Before the Kerberos mission. Before everything. When he’d still been on the death clock of his disease. The transfer to the clone body had managed to cure him, save his life, but... 

It was a new lease on life, and now, seeing the picture of his dead fiancé on that wall... Shiro found himself wondering about the cost.

“Don’t.”

Shiro looked back to Keith at the sudden statement, full of concern and warning. “Shiro, don’t get caught up in blaming yourself. That you weren’t here... It isn’t your fault.” 

Keith’s words weren’t wrong. But Shiro didn’t feel ready to acknowledge them as right. Not when the consequences of him not being here stood in front of him like this. 

Then, surprising him, Keith’s arms were around Shiro from behind. “Shiro... I’m glad you’re alive. If you’re not sure of anything else, there’s that.”

Shiro hesitated a moment, but then melted into the embrace. It was a little awkward, given that Shiro had a good few extra inches over Keith. He wasn’t exactly used to being the little spoon in these situations. 

“You’re worried about how I’m taking this, huh?”

“You’ve been here every day, at least since I’ve been out of the hospital.” Keith chuckled, leaning against Shiro, nuzzling against him. “I’m pretty stubborn, but... This is threatening to put me to shame.” The self-deprecation had always been easier than talking about things. 

Shiro couldn’t argue that. He actually had been doing this longer than Keith had been out – Keith’s injuries had been far worse than his own, after all. “You’re saying that I’m wallowing?”

“A little.” And when Keith Kogane thought you were wallowing in self-pity, it was time to reevaluate your life choices.

There was a long silence all the same, with the both of them just standing there, staring at the images of the fallen on the wall. Shiro’s gaze eventually managed to slide from Adam’s, taking in how many faces were there, how high the human cost had been for Earth as a whole. Not just him. 

“The war hurt so many,” Shiro sighed. “Even if we rebuild, we can’t bring them back.”

“We can’t,” Keith acknowledged. “But we can remember them.” Another pause, then... “I... Do you want to talk to him?”

“What?” Shiro turned, trying to understand what he was getting at.

Keith realized that his words had sounded like he had some kind of supernatural ability. “I mean... If you have anything you want to say to him... You should. Talk to him. Like... like he’s still... like he can hear you. Just... Say what you never got the chance to. I... If you want to do it alone, though, I can-”

“No. No, you don’t have to go.” Shiro smiled, a bittersweet thing. “I... If I’m gonna talk to him, I should tell him about... about us.” It had been a long dance, from the moment Shiro had returned to Earth, escaped the Galra, to their ultimate admission of feelings for each other during the Lions’ long trek through the stars to return to the Milky Way and Earth. Even if Adam had lived... Shiro was a different man than the one who had left for the Kerberos mission, and it didn’t seem like he would have fit with Adam, even had they both made it through this.

Glancing to the picture of Adam, then back to Shiro, as well as their now entwined hands, Keith smiled. “I think he probably could figure it out.” Neither of them were entirely willing to discount the possibility of ghosts or spirits, given everything they’d encountered since... Well, since encountering aliens and magic and some mystical energy that seemed almost like life force that spanned the galaxy. More than once, back in the Castle, they’d called it the Force, dancing around references to Star Wars – to any Earth pop culture – around Coran and Allura, since there would be so much to explain and no way to show them. So it didn’t seem like the craziest idea that Adam would be watching them from... from whatever afterlife there was or might be.

Hell, Shiro had died and some part of his consciousness had stayed within the Black Lion, all the way to the point that Allura had transferred it into the body of a clone, so he was in no position to discount the idea.

Their lives really were weird.

Softly stepping away from Keith, needing this to be just him and Adam, Shiro closed his eyes and reached out to the photo with his biological hand. Somehow, the fact that it was an old-fashioned two dimensional image, rather than a hologram, seemed to make it easier. The projection would have made him reach out as if he expected to reach flesh, to touch something alive. 

It would have been like losing him again.

Still, he kept his eyes closed. If he opened them, he’d still see only the photograph, and the sadness might take him over again. 

“Hey.” If Shiro kept his eyes closed, he could picture and pretend to be speaking to Adam, with the feeling of the photo grounding him. “I... I miss you. I know... I know you said that if I went on the Kerberos mission, I shouldn’t expect you to be here when I got back, but... I never expected it to be like this.” A mirthless chuckle came out at that. “Bad joke, I know. Just... I can’t believe you’re gone. I... I keep thinking that I should have been here. Should have...”

That image in his mind of Adam scowled at that, and Shiro winced at the fact that he knew Adam would say like Keith had done – he couldn’t have done anything, he would only have died with him. The image added another point – it was, ultimately, only because he went on the Kerberos mission that he’d been in any condition to stand and fight against the Galra, and if that hadn’t happened... If he’d still have been alive, he’d have been in no shape to fly. And that was a questionable if as it was. 

“Well. You know how I am.” That earned a chuckle from Keith, as well as an affectionate smile from the image of Adam. “I wish... I wish I could have told you, one last time that I love you.” It was a relief to say it. They’d left in such an awkward and unpleasant place, where they hadn’t said as much, but their plans to be together, build their lives together, were over. They’d stopped wearing rings, they’d moved into separate rooms, and Shiro had put his things in storage in preparation for the Kerberos mission. But they still hadn’t said openly that it was over.

Having said it once, it seemed to open up floodgates. “I love you, Adam. I know... I know you didn’t want me to go to Kerberos, to take that risk with what... little time I had left. I resented that for a time. But... When the Galra took me captive, I started out wanting to get back, to... to find my way back to you.” Shiro sighed, and wanted to look back to Keith, see how he was taking this – Shiro hadn’t even fully admitted any of it to him yet. But he was focused on Adam at the moment.

The image of Adam in his mind reached out for him. Shiro could almost feel a ghost of a touch, and didn’t want to take the time to decide if he was imagining it. “I just... By the time I was out, when the Black Lion chose me... By that point, I didn’t feel like I was the same man. You said that... I shouldn’t expect you to be here when I got back, but... I don’t know if the man you loved came back either.” It was the first time he’d said as much out loud. He’d thought it plenty – it had felt like lifetimes had passed in his time as a Galra prisoner. He’d been forced to become a very different person by the time he was out, and he didn’t think that he could have been who Adam had known afterwards, even had they returned to Earth right away, before Adam had... before he’d lost his life. 

Then he felt Keith’s hand touch his shoulder. “You’d be proud of him, Adam,” Keith said. “He’s been a hero to so many people. He’s made the lives of so many better.” Keith gave Shiro’s shoulder a gentle squeeze, conveying his understanding and love of Shiro in that simple gesture. Shiro could feel the warmth of his smile, even with his eyes still closed.

And... the image of Adam in Shiro’s mind smiled at him. He understood – Shiro had been through something that he could never convey to the man he’d once been ready to promise himself to. And, since their lives together had ended, Adam was pleased that Shiro had found something that made him happy again.

Obviously, it would have made Shiro happier to have heard it directly from Adam himself, but there was contentment in even his mental image of him, telling him that it was all right, that he hadn’t betrayed what they’d once had by finding love – finding happiness – again. 

It wasn’t everything. But it was enough.

Finally, Shiro opened his eyes, finally becoming aware of the tears that had been building as he’d spoken. Keith reached out and wiped them away, moving around to stand beside Shiro, look at him with his love reflected in his eyes.

“Do you feel better?” he asked.

Shiro reached up with his flesh hand and took Keith’s, though, given their position, it was a little awkward. Still, the gesture was clear for what it was, allowing Keith the intimate touch. “I think so. It... It still hurts, not being able to say to him... in person. But... I said it. And... It’s not an instant cure, but... It does feel like it’ll be better.”

Keith smiled at him, a reminder that Shiro had something that truly did made him happy now. It wasn’t the same as what he’d had with Adam, but it was as good. It was as important to Shiro as what he’d had with Adam. They’d been through things that had bound them so tightly... Frankly, Shiro thought it was entirely possible that them coming together, falling in love... It was inevitable. As much as he loved Adam – would always love him – what he and Keith had was going to hold them together.

And... He felt like Adam would be happy for him. 

Shiro pulled Keith into a warm and gentle embrace. “Thank you, Keith,” Shiro said. Meaning so much – thank you for suggesting he talk to Adam, for having saved his life multiple times over, for being there, for loving him... 

In some ways, loving Adam had laid the foundations for him to be able to love Keith. He knew what had driven him and Adam apart, and he knew that those issues weren’t going to be there with Keith. Shiro wouldn’t be who he was now without having been with Adam, and... the man he was now was in love with Keith, and Keith with him. 

There had been a lot of darkness in the universe. For Shiro, however, things were now beginning to look bright.


End file.
